I, Daphne Moon, do take thee, Niles Crane,
as my husband.
I promise you my fidelity and my support...
My laughter and my tears...
My constant friendship and my unending love
as long as we both shall live.
I, Niles Crane, do take thee,
Daphne Moon, as my wife.
I vow to you my fidelity and my support
my honor and my respect.
My honesty and my protection.
You are my comfort, my joy,
and my one true love.
I will cherish you all the days of my life
and treasure the journey that has brought us
to this most wonderful, perfect place.
For most folks, that's one too many free cocktails.
(laughing): Am I right?
Seriously, do you have the rings?
Oh... no. In our rush to get here,
I completely forgot about them.
Does this mean we can't get married?
It would if we didn't offer
seven different wedding band packages for you to choose from.
Now, depending on your budget,
we can offer you anything from the "Be Steel My Heart"--
that's genuine stainless right there--
to the "Never-ending Love"
which can be returned for up to 90 days; no questions asked.
They do seem the nicest.
(cell phone rings)
Oh, damn, who could be calling at this hour?
Wow, you certainly don't see
six-and-a-half karat gold every day.
Daphne, it's Roz. Hello?
Quick, turn on your TV. My building's on the news. What?
Some murder-suicide thing.
I'm going to wave to you from my balcony.
Darn, I'm not home.
Where are you? You're not going to believe this,
w. hut Niles and I flew to Reno and we're getting married right now
You are not!
I am so.
(high-pitched screams)
Apparently, it's some sort of dolphin emergency
I should go.
I'll tell you everything when we get back.
Okay, bye.
(sighs) Ooh.
Sorry
You may exchange rings as a symbol
of the promises you've made here today.
(soft laughter)
By the power vested in me
by the State of Nevada, County of Washoe,
and the all-new Lucky Seven Resort and Casino,
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
Good luck.
(piped-in bells ringing)
Hey, don't forget to check out our topless buffet.
He never said, "You may kiss the bride."
You may kiss the bride
(keys jangling)
Chop, chop, Dad.
Let's get a move on.
Last time I was late for the Farmer's Market,
I got the worst of the squash blossoms.
Oh, whatever shall we serve the duchess?
What?
I said, "I'm coming."
And it's not my fault I'm late, it's Daphne's.
S. l don't know where she is.
I had to make my own lunch.
Oh, dear Lord. Give it here.
Two bags of chips, three puddin' cups,
and a root beer.
H it? What's wrong with it?
A: this is not a lunch,
and B: I fail to see how it took you so long
since you did not make anything
but simply transferred smaller containers into a larger one.
Let's go.
Oh, uh... Oh!
Hello, all. Hi. Hello, all.
Where have you been?
I had to make my own lunch
Oh...
We've got some big news.
Yes, um...
Maybe they should sit down. Oh, yes.
What's going on?
DAPHNE : Well..
Last night I told Niles
that I wanted to marry him right then and there
NILES: And once I realized she was serious,
we rushed out into the night fully intending to.
But then we found out that in Washington
it takes three days to get a marriage license.
Thank goodness
Why?
"wHY"?
If we had missed your wedding,
well, it would have just killed me.
It would have?
Oh, of course it would.
Niles, we've been there
through the last ten tortured years of your courtship.
How could we not be hurt if we missed the wedding?
But surely you could understand if...
If someone were carried away by their emotions.
Because it would have just broken my heart.
We came here to tell you
that there's a wedding in three days!
Oh, well...
Isn't that big news?
Yes.
We're going to have a...
A simple ceremony at the courthouse.
That is just wonderful.
And you know what?
By way of a celebration,
please allow me to treat us all to dinner
at Coeur du Singe. How does that sound, huh?
That sounds wonderful.
(doorbell rings)
Hey, Martin.
Hey, how are you doing?
Want to go to the dog park?
Oh, my God, you guys are here.
(joyous yells)
Well, I'm here, too.
Um, we were just talking about our wedding.
Oh, good, I want to hear all about it.
We're going to have a small civil ceremony on Friday
(yells) Huh?
Yes, if you'll excuse me,
I'm in a rush to get to the Farmer's Market.
NILES: At this hour?
I hope you like listless radicchio.
Okay, what the hell?
I thought you guys got married in Reno.
We did, but as we were trying
to tell Mr. Crane and Dr. Crane,
they told us how hurt they'd be if we got married without them.
NILES: Yes, yes, which in the moment, failed to occur to us.
So, to spare their feelings,
we're having a fake wedding on Friday.
Well, that works for me
because Alice is still counting on being a flower girl.
Of course. Great.
So, if you guys have two weddings,
when's your anniversary going to be?
Well, I suppose to keep up appearances,
it'll have to be the second one, won't it?
Well, could celebrate two anniversaries.
A public on; and then a
second, secret one just for us.
Ooh, I like that.
Sort of sexy having an anniversary
only the two of us know about.
Three of us.
I still can't believe we're married.
It's our one-day anniversary.
And we're the only ones who know.
You know, we should celebrate.
L-[ow about going to the dog park?
That doesn't sound very romantic.
I'm not talking to you.
NILES: Nervous?
DAPHNE: Less than last time.
Al. I guess it helps to have had a rehearsal
That wasn't a rehearsal; it was the real thing.
This is just a touring company performance.
Right.
It's a bloody miracle we're here in one piece
what with the way you drive.
I'm better at it when someone's not screaming in my ear.
Well, in my day, people didn't drive so recklessly.
Do you know why?
Is it because you rode dinosaurs?
You should talk to your daughter.
When we get home, you're getting ice cream.
Why did we all have to
just to pick up a bloody license?
Couldn't we have met at the church?
Mum, we aren't going to the church.
We're getting married here.
You're what?
We're having a civil ceremony
Without a minister?
Out of the question.
Mum... That's enough, Daphne.
I am your mother and I will not bear witness to a godless union.
Gertrude, I favor a church wedding, too.
But this is their day, not ours.
Maybe we should just let them decide how it's going to be.
If people gut to decide things for themselves,
no one would go to church.
If I may...
I'll handle this, Your Honor.
Mrs. Moon...
You have my personal guarantee
that this will not be a godless union.
For if you truly believe
in the omniscience and omnipresence of the Lord,
then surely are we not always in His presence?
No, He lives at the church.
All I'm asking is
that you honor the wishes of an old woman
whose every child has been married by a minister--
or at least a prison chaplain.
Perhaps given the depth of feeling here,
it would be best to wait.
Well, I suppose we could find a church
in reasonably short order.
I don't believe this.
Well, if you're not going to get married now,
perhaps you could all take this into the hall.
I have a schedule to keep.
Roz, take me home.
We'll call you when we've cleared this up.
Ice. Okay. Let's go, Al
Congratulations.
When you're ready to have a proper wedding,
you know where to find me.
That we do.
On your fiery throne presiding over the damned!
All right, let's-let's go.
Where are we going to find a clergyman
who will perform on such short notice?
Hey, maybe the judge knows somebody.
Hang on a second, you guys
Your Honor
I'm sorry, Daphne,
but it'll just be few days and then we can be married.
We already are.
This is supposed to be the happiest time of my life
I want to wear my wedding ring.
I'm Mrs. Niles Crane,
and I don't want to keep it a secret.
You just want to tell them the truth?
Too complicated.
Let's just get married again.
The wedding's on.
What? What about Mrs. Moon?
I'm sorry she'll miss it, but that's her choice.
Your Honor, we've changed our minds.
We want to be married.
Oh, all right, but we have to be quick about this.
Are we ready to begin?
Yes. Yes.
JUDGE: Okay, let's do it.
Daphne, please repeat after me.
Actually, we've written our own vows.
Of course you have.
I, Daphne Moon, do take thee, Niles Crane, as my husband.
I promise you my fidelity and my support...
My laughter and my tears...
You said you wouldn't do this.
...my constant friendship... I say a Int of things.
(chuckling)
Oh, Frasier, thank you so much for dinner.
Yes, it was wonderful.
It was my pleasure.
Dad, don't you have something to add?
Well, I already said thank you for dinner.
What am I supposed to do, get down on my knees
and kowtow to your fancy-ass American Express card?
No...
I was referring to the gift we have for them.
Oh, right!
I forgot about that.
Yeah, and thanks for dinner, Frasier.
It really was excellent.
And I didn't think I'd like beef cheeks...
Yes, yes, Dad, give them the gift. I...
This is so exciting- our first wedding present.
Oh, it's a silver picture frame.
Beautiful.
And,nota hene,
it's been engraved with today's date.
In order to commemorate your wedding day
until your real gift arrives.
Oh, it's very sweet.
Thank you Mr. Crane and Dr. Crane.
Well, you can't call us that anymore.
We're family now.
So we are.
Well, thank you... Frasier.
(laughing)
Oh, that feels strange.
And thank you...
Martin. Dad?
Dad.
Or Martin.
Whatever makes you comfortable.
Oh, thank you, Mr. Crane.
Don't mention it.
Well, I'd better go and figure out
what to pack for the honeymoon.
I'm just bringing sunscreen.
Pardon me.
I have to go poke out my mind's eye.
Ah, you're lucky.
I always wanted to go to Bora Bora.
Oh, it's going to be fantastic, Dad.
We're staying in a thatched hut built out over the water.
In the middle of the floor, there's a window
where you can look straight down to the bottom of the ocean.
Oh, well, I hope it's not ton deep.
When we went to the top of the Space Needle
and you looked down, you got sick.
Dad...
All over that poor Japanese tour group.
Dad.
(doorbell
That was three years ago.
Mrs. Moon.
Did you find a minister yet?
No. I'm sorry,
Actually..
Good, then I'm not too late.
Too late for what?
When I got home this afternoon...
And I began thinking:
I was married by a minister in a church,
and what's it got me?
Alone and unloved is what.
And likely because I've been such a rotten mother
to you all these years.
You haven't been rotten.
Oh, yes, I have.
On what should've been the happiest day of your life,
I thought of only myself.
I'm ashamed, I'm, I mean, I'm embarrassed.
And I apologize.
Oh, Mum.
Oh. (frying)
Oh, my only solace is you aren't married yet.
Because if I missed
my baby's wedding,
I wouldn't be able to live with myself.
Daphne...
Niles...
You get married any way you want to.
All that matters is that I'm thereto share it with you
Of course you'll be there.
(Crying)
We'll go right back
to that courthouse tomorrow
and resume where we left off.
Oh, nothing could make me happier.
Ah, Mrs. Moon.
I see you've made peace with the wedding.
Yes, Mrs. Moon has rescinded her ultimatum
so we're having the wedding tomorrow.
Ah.
Niles, may I have a word with you?
NILES:Mm-hmm.
Excuse me.
What the hell is going on?
You guys already got married.
Yes, but she doesn't know that, so tomorrow
we're going to have another ceremony for her benefit.
That's crazy.
It may be, but I'm afraid the truth would crush her.
Oh, please
All the winepresses in Bordeaux wouldn't crush that woman.
Niles, what you and Daphne shared today was utterly unique.
You think so?
Yes, it was a singular moment.
Anyone fooled by a repeat performance
would have to be a complete imbecile.
True.
But if it's what Daphne wants, I'll support her.
We'll get Roz back, we'll find a different judge,
and we'll just do it all over again.
And... it'll be just as perfect as today's was.
Fine.
But I'm not singing "Wonderful World" again.
(gasping): Maybe more perfect.
Remember how excited we were
at our first wedding?
Yeah, we were both shaking.
Yeah.
Hey, I noticed the first time,
you promised me your honesty and protection,
but not the second time.
No, because I vowed to, uh, always be true
and to be your constant champion.
It's the same thing.
I suppose.
You liked it better the first way?
Okay, we can go back to that.
Thanks.
You making any changes?
Nope. Same old, same old.
.. J'J' N Dah, dah, dah, dah.
Where's Alice?
Oh, upset stomach.
On the way home yesterday,
she snacked on t he leftover petals in her basket.
Ble So, I'm sorry, but I won't be a
to join you for dinner
We understand.
Explain it to me then.
What sort of child eats roses?
This isn't normal
ROZ: You could've stopped her, you know.
Not the way she was gnashing them up, I couldn't.
Like a wood chipper, she was.
All right.
The incredible beaver baby.
We get it.
Oh, dear Lord
ls that Donny?
Everybody, look at your shoes.
Wait a minute.
Daph... is that Daphne?
Hi. Donny.
What a surprise.
L-Ii, everybody.
Boy, I hope this isn't uncomfortable.
Oh, no, no, not at all
Uh, say, is that a drinking fountain over there?
Sure looks like one.
Well, Niles,
Daphne, I'd like you to meet Bridget, my fiance.
Hi. Hello.
We just filed for our marriage license.
Congratulations.
That's great. Thank you.
I know that I was getting married
last time you ran into me,
but this time I found the real thing.
Good, I'm glad. Yeah.
You know, if you hadn't left me,
then I never would've met my ex-wife
who introduced me to Bridget.
So, in a weird way, you played a big part
in my eventual happiness.
That's a very healthy perspective.
DONNY: I think so, too.
So, what are you guys doing here?
Niles and I are getting married.
Well, congratulations.
That is great.
(chuckling)
Daphne. Thank you.
Yes, well, it's great.
And it's nice seeing you.
And I hope you come to our wedding.
Oh, same here.
Really, you'd be okay with that?
Well, sure. Why not?
Of course, it's anybody's guess
how long we could be waiting here.
You can come in now.
Who had one second?
Uh, everyone, it's time
Oh, well, here we go, then.
This is Bridget.
Oh, lovely to meet you.
Hi, nice to meet you.
Hi. Hi.
Hi, how you doing?
Is this everybody?
Yes.
JUDGE: Let's get started.
We come here today to unite
this man and this woman in marriage.
I understand Daphne and Niles
have composed vows
that are especially significant to them. Niles.
Yeah. (clears throat)
Uh, I, Niles Crane,
take you, Daphne Moon, to be my wife.
I-I vow to you my- my fidelity and support,
honor, respect, uh, honesty...
Protection
...and support
Uh... you are my comfort and joy and, oh...
Shoot, there's one more, uh..
One true love.
That's right, that's right.
Go. Okay, you
"Okay, you go"?
I, Daphne:"Moon, do
I'm sorry, this is wrong.
I can't stand here and rattle off a bunch of words
that don't mean anything anymore.
I'm can't go through with this.
DONNY: Yes!
I knew it!
Now you know what it's like
to have the love of your life dump you at the altar.
And good luck trying to find somebody as good
because she just ain't out there.
What?
No, no
No, Bridget!
Bridget! (door closes)
I'm sorry, everyone, but Niles and I,
we're already married.
What?
Mrs. Moon, I'm afraid it's true.
Uh, Niles and Daphne are already married,
and they were simply trying to spare your feelings.
You knew about Reno?
FRASIER: I was talking about yesterday.
What happened in Reno?
They gut married yesterday?
This is all a lie?
No, yesterday was a lie. We eloped last week.
I thought you had
to wait for the license.
That's why we went to Reno.
Why didn't you tell us?
We thought you'd be insulted.
I'm insulted now!
How could you tell Roz and not your own family?!
How could you have two weddings
without telling your mother about one?
How could you cheat Alice
out of being a flower girl?
We just wanted to be married.
Hold on, I got a question here.
You've been married for a week...
How come you're not on your honeymoon?
Thank you... Martin.
I hope you can all forgive us.
Of course. Well, of course we can. Of course.
Your happiness, that 's what's important.
This is such a relief.
It just felt wrong
to start off a marriage with a lie.
Was the first one at least in from of a minister?
of course Yes, let's go.
Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-calling
Tossed salads and scrambled eggs
on, my
And maybe I seem a bit confused
Well, maybe, but I got you pegged
(laughs)
But I don't know what to do
With those tossed salad and scrambled eggs
They're calling again
Good night!